Confrontation.

Yesterday I shared Psalm 42 which I enclose for you again. I told you this was my life. I have been seeking the cool waters of refreshing just as the hart(deer) seeks, so should my soul longeth after thee. That has been my cry. Where is He? Certainly not in the midst of my busyness, nor my "good works". I have been to the goings ons of church. There is some great things that have come out of mighty moves of God, but they can not sustain you. It's in the darkness of our walk that our relationship with God needs to move to true relationship, more believing He is Jesus than just knowing.

1* ¶ <> As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.

2 My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?

3 My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?

4 When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.

5 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.

6* ¶ O my God, my soul is cast down within me: therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.

7* Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me.

8 Yet the LORD will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.

9 I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

10 As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?

11 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

I have not even plumbed the depths of this psalm. I identify with the feeling of loss, and the feeling of aloneness. I have taken the hits. Some even well deserved, some without basis at all. Hurt hearts striking out at one another in the darkness of the night. Deep calling deep. Somewhere in that simple truth I feel the answers of the ages coming to pass. That darkness is almost necessary in a Christians life to develop trust, as the waves of life fall over me, blinding my eyes to the things I depend on.

I called today's letter confrontation. Caring enough to confront me, God has met me in the darkness of the night and said, "do you trust me?" "Will you praise me?"

Somewhere in my character, my inability to do the same has shown its face. I prefer to sit on the scripture that speaks of "love covering a multitude of sins." Yesterday I met with 2 other pastors. This psalm which God sent me to 2 weeks ago came up. From another pastor. A 1 hour meeting became 3.

And one said, "we don't confront when we should because of the love of Jesus." And in my heart I wanted to believe that, but God had me come forth with the fact that if we love we will confront. I can confront blatant sin easily, but its the little creeping stuff that builds and builds until we have a problem. I have let these wear me down. Hey, I want people to like me! I admit it. If you who I don't know write me, you find me direct and to the point, and yet when it is somebody you know you(okay, me!!!) tend to back pedal a bit. To the point where I start to feel discouraged with people, with my God even.

Look at this;

9 I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? Part of our battle is stopping the little foxes, up front and quickly.

So am I on the right track? I think so. Thank you for all the letters of comfort and even the confrontations.

Last night I went to the hospital to see one of my members who has been admitted for dehydration because of a thyroid condition that has not allowed her to eat for about 30 days as it has enlarged in her throat. As I was going a mother(not a member) of a 16 year old girl called me. Her daughter had attempted suicide. May I ask you to pray.